When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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