I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize