she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."