he thought i was a dude.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...