the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.