I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying