i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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