he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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