i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
