Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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