All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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