Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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