I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will be naked everywhere
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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