You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened