Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice