wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees