"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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