ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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