We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
