once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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