we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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