We won't sleep together?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize