dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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