allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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