you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
