Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.