I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?