There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.