You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER