Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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