Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
