But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have fence marks all over my body
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
