Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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