You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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