He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize