Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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