Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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