I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize