The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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