youre lurking in front of me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?