You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.