I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways