I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.