I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse