Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.