there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".