Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake