my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?