and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.