Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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