Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize