I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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