if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
