I faked an abortion last night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
