I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom