Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online