When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth