Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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