Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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