is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
