White coat. Heels.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
