I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
