First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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