upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
