Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize