I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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