you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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